To My Beautiful Wife,
I have struggled to write my thoughts in a way that will accomplish my commission, as the man who has sworn, before God to be a stronghold for you. I have written this letter several times both in my head and on paper. For some reason, I can never seem to articulate what I feel when things get tough, but this time, I hope I have it right.
It's so important to me that you know that I love you. I love you with all of my heart. I truly love you more than anything else this world has to offer. I desperately need you to understand that when I fail you. I take it extraordinarily hard and personally, on a level like no other, you are the one person in this world who's opinion matters, really matters.
When we argue, I cannot seem to express the things that really should be said even though I know that they are the needed, valued, and appropriate so, please forgive me for reacting versus maturely responding. Because wholeheartedly, I am at a place where I understand the things I am about to share with you are mutual, and you have my word that I will do my best to calculate, analyze and prepare a response that is loving and considerate.
Honey, you have no idea how powerful your words are. They have more influence than any other human on the planet. When you say something hurtful, it has a massive effect on me. If you and my boss were to say the same thing, your words, either positive or negative, have a more a magnified value, even though they might be right or wrong. They affect me on a level that no one else has access.
When you tell me, I am arrogant.
What I desperately need to hear is my opinion is valued. My arrogance is me trying to show you I am valuable. I don't know how to make you see that, what I do know is that I feel like I have to share my successes with you, so there is some valued recognition.
When you tell me, I am wrong.
What I desperately need to hear is that you understand why I am thinking that way, try to understand my position. I will respect it if you do agree, but please consider that fact that sometimes, you are the one who is not seeing things in the best possible light.
When you tell me, I am a failure.
What I desperately need to hear is that even if I have failed, you still love me. I will fail. I do fail, but please do not judge my intention. You words would have so much positive influence if you took these moments to lift me instead of tearing me down. I hate it when I have fallen short, more than you may realize, more than your disappointment may be affecting you.
When you keep track of everything, I do that is a shortcoming.
I get it, I know I make mistakes, but when my glass is empty is hard to fill it back up again, and you may not realize that in my world, you have the pitcher. You have so much power in how I view myself that keeping track of the bad things is going to have the negative result that will compound matters for the worse. I know it may not make sense, but if you keep track of the right things, the bad ones will slowly dissipate, and the good ones will take over. I promise.
I need to hear when you are proud of me when I make you smile and when I have done an excellent job. I need you to lift me when I let you down, so I know that being better is worth the internal fight. I desperately need you to be a safe place to be myself because the rest of this world is not always easy. I need your approval and mercy, your grace and forgiveness. I need you to be my friend.
Believe me, when I say this, I know you need me to. You need me to be all those things I have mentioned above. However, you may not realize the power you hold in your soft, gentle hands and sweet loving words to create the climate to do so. The results may surprise you.
I don't know why God designed things this way, marriage this way, the power held by a wife this way. All I can think of his how he does the same with us, He loves us when we fail, He loves us when we make mistakes, and he loves us when we feel unlovable. He must think that a wife is the closest thing on this earth than can reflect what real love looks like and how powerful it can be.
What a powerful blessing that must be, to be a reflection of our maker's heart. I an only imagine. And why he made men in such desperate need of that kind of love, I have no real answer. I can only assume that He sees the absolute value in it.
I promise I will never stop trying to be the best I can for you. I just wanted you to see how you have such a thorough impact on my world, how your words have massive power, and how your honest love moves mountains. I know this might seem unfair like I am asking for a free pass, but I am not.
Al I am trying to do is express just how much of an impact you have on how I view myself and just how much gravity your actions and words help define that in a way that is beyond description.
In closing, I promise that you are and will be the most precious human in my life, and I will continue to try to the best of my abilities to be the man you truly desire.
I love you,